


Nothing Lasts Forever

by Thunderscourge



Series: The Path of the Pariah [2]
Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Gen, Homelessness, POV First Person, Sad, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 23:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3829573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunderscourge/pseuds/Thunderscourge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is a series of ups and downs, something that Trixie Lulamoon has been taught since day one, and something she takes to heart down the road. Be it a slap, verbal humiliation, an Ursa, or just finding food to eat, life has thrown Trixie for a loop. But it's not over, and there is always the chance to get back up and make something of it all.</p><p>A look at Trixie before, during, and after her appearances on the show. What was it like to be Trixie? Her family life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Lasts Forever

Shining, as if it was Celestia’s sun. Gigantic, being the size of my hoof. Magnificent, like the untended night sky…

These were things I could have described the object as. Instead I was drooling and only could think of three things with my filly mind: red, delicious, apple.

I am on the floor looking up at the kitchen counter. Mother is standing beside it, her eyes focused on the same object before turning to me.

“What is this?” she asks me.

I could not say it the way it should be said, but I tried, “Awppul.”

She nods but gives no other sign of approval. That wasn’t the true test.

“Pick it up and you can eat it.”

Mother said it plainly, as if it was easy. However, I was barely anything more than a baby. Almost all foals triple my age would have an issue with this.

I look at her with wide eyes, just wanting the apple. I was hungry and my stomach had not known food for quite some time. I just wanted to eat it.

“Now,” she curtly yells to me. I feel water rush to my eyes as I just look at her. I do not even know how to use my horn to gather magical energy at will. I could do it on occasion, but to actually use it for a specific task was out of my capabilities.

She does not care though. Seeing that I am not doing what she ordered, mother uses her own magic to lift it up.

“Fine then. I guess I will have it.”

She hovers it over to her mouth and bites into the apple. I try to complain, but I wince at just the thought of making unnecessary noise.

Mother turns and leaves the room, leaving me alone on the floor.

I would not be eating that night.

______________________________________________________________________________

I am a filly. Five? Six? I could not tell. There was no celebration for my birthday every year like the other foals had. Mother said those were for frivolous ponies who wanted to make themselves feel special. That you are only special if you make yourself special.

She is out working. She has been working the past few days straight, and left no food in the house. She doesn’t need to work I don’t think. She always has money. But mother is always out performing.

I want food though. I go out of the house and wander around the city that is Canterlot with this in mind. I am too young to understand what is where, so it takes hours just to get more than a block from my own house.

This is not the first time.

The entire day passes by and my hooves are aching from my journey when I finally see the first sight of food out in the streets. A street side stall with fruit on it, one of many amongst an army of similar structures.

The others do not matter though. As I take my last steps on the earth of the path, I have my eyes honed in on the assortment of fresh food.

Apple…

Saliva drips down my face at the sight of the food. When mother takes them she gives the pony who stands by them bits, but I don’t have anything to give him since mother left nothing…

He’s not looking though. He can’t mind if he doesn’t see, right? That’s how I would rationalize it if my mind was not serving my stomach.

With a purple flash I get an apple to hover a couple inches until it falls. My teeth clench it before it hits the ground, and I scurry off with my meal.

So incensed by my small use of magic and the food it earned me, I do not pay attention to my hooves as I run off. One clips some unknown object on the marketplace’s ground, and I soon find myself tumbling onto my face.

My eyes water as I try to get up, gross dirt lining my nice blue fur. I don’t want to cry, but I feel myself doing it. Because I’m not strong like mother.

When I manage to get up though, my apple is gone. I turn my head to look for it, but something oozing onto my eyelid stops my search. My forehead and horn are feeling…slimy. Icky.

I wiggle my horn and the now bruised, beat up apple falls onto the grimy ground. It has a hole where my horn had impaled it during my tumble, with the juices I had intended to ingest now dripping onto the undeserving ground.

I may be starving, but I could at least tell when something would be detrimental to eat…

Stupid apple! I just wanted to eat you!

Now the tears are coming down even harder. Why can’t I do anything right? I can’t even take an apple without ruining it…

No wonder mother doesn’t bring me food. She’s a great magician. I’m just a worthless foal like she tells me.

Through the dirt now clogging my nose a nice waft through the air sets my stomach back to growling harshly.

It smells like bread…I can take a loaf and bring it home for mother and me! Maybe then she won’t think I’m worthless.

Now I need to get the bread…

______________________________________________________________________________

I’m a filly still, barely any older. Mother stays out most nights and days. When she comes home it is not food that comes with her, but more lessons. The trick of eating my food proved useful once in forcing me to try and learn how to use magic, but now that the threshold had been passed it was only good for unnecessary torture with no gain involved.

There was a competition on the street of magical talent amongst my ‘peers’. I was the only one who could do much of anything with my magic, so I won by default. I had done it to try and make friends, but they all got mad at me.

Mother, having watched from afar, was pleased to have seen me doing magic better than other ponies though. What need do I have of friends when I have my mother?

“You’re so much better than those worthless foals when you try to be.”

We are sitting at the dining room table with an assortment of food on it. It takes all of my willpower to not drool on the table as she levitates plate after plate onto it.

I swallow my saliva and smile in thanks, even if my bruises haven’t healed, “Thank you mother.”

She ignores my thanks as she sets the table, her magic making the tablecloth spread out and utensils appear while the plates set themselves. As entranced by the food as I am, I am just as impressed by the magic being done.

“Not an ounce of talent among them,” she mutters, causing me to nod. They actually had no talent at magic from what I had seen that day. As she complains though, she finishes setting the table and conjures a stick of butter from out of thin air.

So amazing! I wish I could do magic like that…

Nopony’s better than mother at magic! She knows everything. She has a bookcase with magic books! Telekinesis, teleportation, transmutation, illusions, and anything anypony could hope to be good at.

When I grow up I want to be just like her!

I watch in wonder as mother takes the loaf of bread I stole that day and slices it with one of her fine knives. Once the bread is split into nice inch-wide slices she takes the butter and puts thin slivers of butter in-between the slices.

Butter and bread?

Mother’s magic heats the bread up and the butter melts inside of the bread, buttering it all and making it look delicious.

Buttered bread! She does know everything! I would never have thought of putting butter on bread like that.

“I love you mother.”

No response, but I don’t need one.

Mother loves me. She has to.

______________________________________________________________________________

“I am sorry miss Lulamoon, but there is not enough room in this year’s class for your daughter.”

I am a filly with enough talent to apply for Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Mother has apparently wanted this for me for years, but has not believed me ready to apply.

She was right.

Mother only nods to the judge, not even looking at me, “Come, Trixie.”

Her voice is neutral, but I can feel the cold inflection. The walk home is going to hurt. I don’t want to go home, but I’m more scared if what will happen if I don’t…

Mother is silent as we leave the campus. I do not dare break the silence as I know things are going to hurt the moment it does end.

Once we are home and in the main room she clears her throat. The silent walk was terrifying and I expected any moment to result in yelling. Pain.

She is now glaring at me. I bite my lip as fear seizes me.

In a panic I blurt, “I’m sorry! I promise I won’t fail again, I—”

The hoof that strikes my face silences me. I wimper as I ready myself for what might last for hours.

“Of course not. I won’t be bringing you to a place where ponies with actual talent go.”

The insult stings more than the strike. I have partially grown used to those, leaving her disapproval far more painful. More terrifying.

“Please, I promise, don’t hurt me—”

She hits me in the lower leg while sneering, “Promise? What is there to promise when you are not worth anything to begin with. I’m ashamed to have you carry my name.”

Something in me snaps. I rush past my mother to the door and start working on opening it. An easy task while calm, it proves to be quite difficult while I struggle with it.

Mother does not turn to face me as I glance back to her. She stands still, but stomps a hoof angrily, “What are you doing? Get back here.”

Still panicking, I get the door open and move half out of it before she speaks up again.

“Walk out that door and you better not come back. And you can forget any future you will have.”

I pause as her words wash over me. I do not take long to weigh my options before bolting out the door though, not old enough to actually consider the options.

I was across town and panting before looking back.

She didn’t follow me…

______________________________________________________________________________

After a day I try coming home. It is raining, and as I am a young filly, I don’t consider that my mother was serious the day before. She will let me in, right? I can practice my magic and she can forgive me. I can earn her love, because she deserves the best daughter she can have.

I knock my hoof on the door I had run out of the last time I was here. My wet fur contacts the fine wood that it is constructed from and my heart soars as I think about maybe eating buttered bread with mother by a warm, cozy fire.

“Mother, I’m back!”

No response.

I wait a half minute or so before knocking again. The rain the Pegasi have brought for the day is pounding on my back as I try to get mother to answer the door.

“Please let me in, it’s cold out. I’m sorry!”

Nopony comes to the door. The lights are on inside, so I know she is home. Our house is quite open and so she can hear me. She just isn’t coming.

“I’m all wet! I need to dry off!”

I cannot tell the water running from my eyes from that falling on my face from the sky.

“Please…”

I had thought, despite all of her punishments and scoldings, that maybe…no, not maybe, that she DID…

Was I a fool to think she loved me?

“Mom, I’m sorry…” I sniffle as I continue knocking, “Don’t you love me?”

The only thing to greet me is the gust of wind that blows my hair in my face.

“Mother?”

______________________________________________________________________________

That smell…

Food…

A white coated stallion smiles to me as I wake up. I was laying down in an alley, ribs showing beneath my skin and fur. Now before me is a box with what appears to be a pie in it.

He speaks as I weakly get up to observe the pie, as well as the stallion, “I don’t need it.”

I am an older filly. About the age of a teenager, but I cannot tell given the way I’ve been living. Food is maybe something I have once every few days, and my water comes from public venues.

“Th—thank you.”

I don’t want to accept charity, but I am in no position to turn it down. I tear open the pie box and dig into it, not even noticing what flavor it is with how fast I swallow it down. I am too starving to savor it.

After finishing it and wiping my face I look back up to the stallion, who nervously chuckles at how fast I ate it. He probably had not expected me to be that starved.

“I can’t even remember the last time I ate,” I mumble. I try and think what I was doing a few moments ago, but everything is hazy…

“Don’t you have a family?” he asks, concerned. I shake my head and his shoulders sink.

He turns to the side and brings back a smile to his face as he notices something. I turn to whatever it is he is looking at and try to see what is so amusing. It’s just wood I’ve gathered.

Pieces of a broken wheel…one that I broke after it ran over my tail and splashed me. Now I just wanted to use it to make a fire, but I’ve failed each time. It is nighttime and I need the heat for the coming night, only having two ripped pieces of purple cloth to give me warmth otherwise.

That, I think, is what I was doing a few moments ago before falling down and deciding not to get up. At least until a pie was presented to me, that is.

He laughs nervously again, obviously not knowing how to confront a homeless pony of indeterminate age, “So, I saw you were practicing magic. Mind if I see it?”

“It’s the least I can do,” I cough as I draw whatever magical energy I can together.

In my weakened state I grow dizzy as I try to finish my spell. The spark I am supposed to shoot at the wheel instead flies up into the sky. It spins around and fizzles before exploding in a bright display of light, completely similar to how a firework might work. In the night sky the bright light contrasts completely, and if I am quite honest it…looks nice.

The stallion, who I notice is a Pegasus, laughs at the sight, seemingly amused.

“Hey, you’re pretty good at this!”

He…approves? I don’t know what to say…

“I am?”

Some ponies from the street approach us, having seen the magic, and they all seem enthralled. They are younger, and I bet they are students of some sort.

“Do that trick again!” one of them says while laughing just like the Pegasus who gave me the pie.

They…like my magic? But I just was just making sparks to light a fire…

______________________________________________________________________________

Weeks go by and things have changed.

I have grown up considerably in this time of pubescence, despite my malnourishment. I’m big enough to pass off as an adult, and that has been serving me well.

Ponies like seeing magic shows. It took me awhile to realize that, but after my first impromptu show I found I had gained my Cutie Mark. I had gone so long without it I had long lost hope of ever gaining it. A wand with a moon, seemingly symbolizing my magic show capabilities.

Once I realized I could draw interest with magic shows, I tried doing some on the street. Ponies, particularly by schools, loved it and would grant me bits and small gifts. Not much, but it was enough to get recognized at a performing club. One where I am now about to perform.

With the bits I bought as much food as I could eat and some clothes to use. A purple hat with stars and a matching cape. Nothing too bombastic, but enough to look good. I cleaned myself up at a fountain while making sure to not leave any dirt in my coat.

I have the chance to be great. To get off the street and be somepony.

“Introducing our great guest, the powerful and amazing magician known as Trixie!”

Great and powerful? I guess they were impressed by the magic I have picked up over the past few years to survive…

Now, time to give them a show!

______________________________________________________________________________

I am a full grown mare, if only by days or weeks. I’ve never stopped to check my age with any records, for that would be dwelling on the past. What does it matter to me now that things have changed for the better and I am living so happily?

These years have been so great I can’t even believe I’ve been working for about half my life. With all my spare bits I have bought a wagon home I bring with me to new shows, I have adoring fans across the country, and now I am even beginning to go to new towns away from the Canterlot area.

So what if I’m alone? The traveling life isn’t bad if you don’t get too attached to anypony, and I have no need for those sentimental relationships so many ponies seem to be drawn to. I only need my crowds and myself to get by after all.

Have I heard a word from that mare who had me? No. And it’s not like I want her to reach out to me. I am my own mare now. I am the Great and Powerful Trixie, not some weak filly who needs her mother to wipe away her tears. I am an adult now, even if just barely.

With how much business has picked up, I bet I can even start working on having my own home back in Canterlot. A place with a nice lawn to relax on, with a pool by it, and a fence to keep out all the ponies I don’t want coming over.

Starting with that mare who dared abandon me. Well I’ll show her! I’m not some nopony with no talent. Soon I’ll be the pony everypony wants to know and is talking about.

So what if she didn’t want me? Other ponies do! That’s why I’m traveling to Ponyville of all places, well known for just about nothing. I’m sure my arrival will spruce up their days!

______________________________________________________________________________

“—someone goes around showin' it off like a school filly with fancy new ribbons.”

“Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us.”

Just ignore them…this show is for all of the nice, respectful audience members. Not the disrespectful orange Earth Pony and her white Unicorn friend in the front row.

“—I mean, yeah, uh, magic shmagic. Boo!”

Why I oughta—Okay, that’s enough! They’re entitled to their opinions, but they don’t have to stay here and ruin the show.

Seriously, the gall of some ponies…if they don’t like it they can just leave.

“Well, well, well, it seems we have some neighsayers in the audience. Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie? Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?”

I’ll show them their place! I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! Nopony is going to just try and ruin my livelihood and get away with it.

______________________________________________________________________________

I am a full grown mare and yet I have nothing.

Those damned brats ruined me. Stirring an Ursa to come and test my abilities? Sure, I claimed to be able to beat one, and I have no doubt I one day will, but that is no reason to bring one into a town! I tried to stay and fight, but nooooooo, that meek purple friend of the hecklers had to do it.

But she couldn’t have done it before it ruined my home. My wagon that I use as a stage. Where am I supposed to sleep now? I spent all my bits on it…

So what if I lied about my powers? So what if I was boasting? It is my whole job to entertain and capture the attention of crowds! You don’t do that by being some meek nopony who is too afraid to show off! I didn’t hurt anypony, at least not until they tried heckling me in the middle of a show. Was I just supposed to let them rudely ruin me as I did my job? Would they like it if I came up to them as they worked and criticized them? NO!

Losing my wagon is one thing, but those ungrateful foals spread the news of my humiliation to every corner of Equestria I’ve ever been! I can’t get a job anywhere without being laughed off stage or chased off for being a fraud. I have not even tried performing in Canterlot yet, but I would rather not given my failures outside of the toxic city…

I am broke. I have nothing for the second time in my life. All because of Purple Smart or whatever her name is, not to mention those annoying children. I cannot even imagine being that stupid, not even when I was their age.

I had to be smart…nopony else was going to take care of me, so there was no other choice.

Even now, years later, there still isn’t anypony…

______________________________________________________________________________

I am biding my time.

With a heavy breath of frustration I throw the pickaxe I have been using to the grass beside me. The only place willing to take me in at all is this remote rock farm of all places. I doubt they even know where Canterlot is, nonetheless the reputation of the ponies who come from there.

Before me is a large boulder I have been tasked with breaking down into smaller sections, but it has been proving near impossible to do so. They have disallowed me to blast it with magic with fear that it might make the rock pieces too small, but of course the pickaxe I have been provided with is no use on the thick rock.

“Damned rocks! You’ll be the death of me one day!”

Sure I am able to eat again, and have a roof to sleep under, but this work is backbreaking. Every day I am able to work a little bit more than the last, able to endure ever so much more pain, but I can’t stand it. The ponies here are all quiet, and there is no excitement to be found anywhere…

One day though, one day, I’m going to have enough bits to get my life back on track. Get my payback and show those ponies who ruined me their place…

I sink onto the ground and use the grass to wipe my tears. I don’t need anypony…I’m strong…

Who am I kidding…I am a loser. A fake who has accomplished nothing with her life. My magical powers are nowhere near those other Unicorns from Canterlot, not to mention that one from Ponyville…

I’m the nopony that mother never wanted to begin with.

______________________________________________________________________________

I have failed once again, wasting more months if not years of my life. I cannot even tell anymore.

“Get out of here!”

“Canterlot has no place for wash-ups raising racket.”

I have failed in getting revenge on that purple Unicorn who ruined me, Twilight Sparkle, but I have at least made peace with her and her friends. This has not helped my reputation however, as demonstrated by this attempt of mine to have a show done in Canterlot of all places.

“Yeah, get off the stage! You shouldn’t even be up there!”

I was hoping maybe somepony would recognize me back from when I was popular and still be willing to watch me…

The crowd gathered was admittedly large, albeit not for what one might consider a good reason. It is more of an angry mob than an adoring audience, and I am actually a bit scared as I look at them all. They look ready to force me off the stage I have requested permission to use, and have been granted by Princess Celestia herself.

I try and throw a couple of tricks in as I speak to the ponies of the crowd, “As it so happens, The Great and Powerful Trixie has a permit to perform here. Princess-”

My tricks do not soothe them as intended. A rock knocks off the tattered magician’s hat I have kept with me all this time. The ponies in the crowd, seemingly an assortment of snobs rather than students, apparently know of all of my misdeeds of recent times. Otherwise how can they justify such a violent act? I already hate myself for having become Ponyville’s dictator for a time, I do not need them throwing things at me to remind me.

I levitate my hat up from the ground to dust it off. I will not let this get to me. The last time I dealt with hecklers I had my life ruined, so I must just persevere and handle my pride. As I dust the hat I notice a large tear has formed where the rock collided with it, the stone apparently having been launched like a projectile by some Unicorn given the damage.

I move the hat to shield my face as tears break out on my face. Oh, forget it! I am damned miserable…this was my last hope and now I am being humiliated once again. My hat is luckily large enough to shield my face from their judgmental looks as I quietly sob to myself behind its safe harbor.

This moment of self pity is ruined with a sudden collision I do not see coming at all. It breaks through my tattered hat and collided right with my face that had been hiding behind it. I drop my hat in shock as blood wells up where I now have a gash on my cheek. I recoil and touch my cheek to wipe the blood, my front hoof coming away a dirty brown from the drying blood mixing with my blue coat.

A pony from the crowd, possibly a child given the voice, yells at me while I try to cover up my tears, “No one likes you, go back to wherever you came from!”

Humiliated and indignant both, I snort. This IS where I came from. I am about damn ready to tell the crowd off about that fact before

their expressions all transform into ones of fear rather than anger.

They all begin stammering and stuttering something beginning with “Ni” as I look at them with a very confused face. Whatever is the matter with them?

The crowd begins to turn and scream in terror as they all run away as fast as they can manage. What is their issue? A moment ago they were ready to heckle me off stage, and now they are running.

“What is wrong? My fireworks are not that scary.”

“Nightmare Moon!” the last of the crowd screams as they flee in terror, their hooves carrying them away from the platform I am on as fast as they can manage.

Upon mention of Equestria’s former menace, I spin around in fear to see if I too could spot the black coated mare. Was she not supposed to be just regular Princess Luna, and thus a national hero, at the moment?

I did not expect to turn directly around into the cause of the disruption. Before me is Princess Luna in her Nightmare Moon body, likely a transformation given how she goes to public events in her normal body I hear, but that does not change just how large she is.

After bumping into her I stumble back in a brief fit of terror, my body and brain not coordinating on the whole rational side of things.

Princess Luna makes no movement as I bite my lip nervously. What is going to happen? I can’t run if it turns out she is evil again…

I notice she is watching the last of the crowd flee with a degree of pleasure and distaste both. Was…that her purpose in doing this? Nothing about her seems to be at all ill-intentioned, and soon enough she looks down to me with a small smile.

Tales of how Luna confronting the foes of Equestria were becoming widespread throughout the nation, it being one of her duties of the night while her sister handled diplomatic and paperwork related things in the day. While others were unsure about how to perceive Luna’s vigil of the night, I for one am not about to be ungrateful.

I bow down before I can even think of what I am doing, “P-princess Luna, I uh, can explain…I think.”

Luna laugh came out as a cackle, the Princess not really realizing it, “There is no need to. This city has a serious infestation by arrogant foals.”

She…had come to help me. What could a princess want with a nopony like me?

______________________________________________________________________________

In the actual present, my eyes slowly bat and flutter as my ears pick up my name.

“Trixie?”

That voice…

W—what? Where am I?

“I…”

A quick look around and I find myself on one of Canterlot Castle’s lush courtyards. A book on illusions lays between my hooves as if it had been clenched tightly moments before.

The day is becoming dusk, and my mentor has come out of the woodwork to take reign over the night. I suppose she came to see how I am doing. Here I am though, laying on my side in the field she set aside for my training.

I was just dreaming…

Princess Luna comes over to me with a smile, and I notice that she has brought food with her, “Are you feeling well? You do not usually sleep during practice.”

I bow my head to her humbly, not believing myself worthy of her graciousness, “I apologize, princess. I just got sidetracked.”

“It is okay. You have been working very hard these past few weeks. You are quite the dedicated student. I see a lot of myself in you.”

Hard work isn’t exactly hard for me at this point, but…well, getting praise is. It makes me feel warm. It’s different when I’m being admired for who I am, not what I’m doing…

“Thank you,” I cannot help but blush and feel embarrassed as a result, even if she cannot see it underneath my fur. I know the blush is there, and that’s what matters.

She places the food down on the ground by me while continuing her smile, “I brought you some food. You always seem to forget your meals.”

I return the smile while noting just what is waiting on the plate. Warm, sliced bread with butter. A coincidence that she brought my favorite food every night, or rather brought it that first time when she decided I needed to eat more often?

Princess Luna takes the effort to make it herself and bring it to me…no servants involved. That’s what matters. It makes me feel as warm as the bread and…well, happy, to know she cares like that.

She’s taken me in when nopony else would. Not even my own mother, who has not even once tried sending me a card all these years.

I—is this how it feels to be someone’s daughter? I really don’t know…

I do not know how long this will last, but I can enjoy it while it lasts.

Nothing does last forever. Not fame. Not bits. Not ponies. Nothing. But this warm feeling that I get when Princess Luna comes to check on me…make sure I’m okay…

I don’t want it to ever go away.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love , as are kudos and bookmarks, so any support you give will be very treasured! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.


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